Enough...

ENOUGH. 

I knew almost immediately this was the word for me, that this is the lesson my soul needs to learn this year. We participate with our church in picking a word each year to help you focus on one thing instead of blowing the 10 other resolutions that never make it past January. 

God can give you all you need. He will give you more than enough. You will have everything you need for yourselves. And you will have enough left over to give when there is a need. 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NLV)

I have found this scripture to help me focus on the one thing I want God to do in 

me; help me see that I am enough and that He is enough for me! 

I am a stay at home mom to 3 boys under 3 years old and haven't quite figured out how to clone myself.  I just don't ever feel like I'm enough for them, my husband or anyone else.  Have you ever felt like that? I have a feeling a lot of other moms feel this way too! Here is the problem, we forget to check in with God and receive that fuel. And we give and we give and then we run out!! It's seems so simple but why do I continually feel like I can't get it together! I want to be able to battle all those insecure thoughts that pop in my head.  Even the silly ones like, "I was home all day yet my house looks like a tornado came through.. I can never clean up enough".  

It's going to take work and it's going to take me working on time management. Because I know I need to fill myself with God in the morning, or else I will not feel like I'm enough for my family.  So the goal is to be up at 6 and spend 45 minutes praying, journaling, reading and prepping breakfast. If my husband can wake up at 4:30am to do these things, I think I can make it out of bed at 6. And it has to be the morning because I'm way too tired to do it at night! 

 So here's to a new year and me focusing on ENOUGH.

 God,Thank you that your grace is more than enough for me and I believe you can give me everything I need. Amen.

Need daily encouragement? Check out Matt's blog!

Sorry I have been on a 2 month blog hiatus- just taking care of 3 littles and building a house! We are almost there- hopefully moving within 30 days! So blessed.
I'm sure most of you are aware that Matt has started a blog and writing a book! If you aren't, please check it out.  http://mattham.com

He has made more post in 2 months than I have in 3 years. Haha- but really I hope you would stop on by his site and be encouraged because it's awesome.  God is so good when we open our ears to hear him and eyes to see where he is leading us. We're thrilled to see where he takes us from here!

No promises, but I will try to keep up my blog about life, faith and kid crazies!

Two most common things said to me!

1. "Bless your heart"   2. "How do you do it?" 

Yes, my heart is blessed I reply and I am able to do it, because I have God. It's not easy, but my answer is simple.  God refuels me constantly to make it through the day and my precious 8-9 hours of sleep refuel my body!  My skinny little worn out tale would be pretty awful if I didn't have strength coming from something outside of myself. These active little monkeys take almost EVERY ounce of my energy. Come spend an hour here and your life will forever be changed- haha! You would leave thinking how does she do it? With a big powerful God is how I do it! 

Microphones being screamed into, drums being beaten, heads being bumped, arms being broken, Barney singing, dishwasher running, washing machine going, dryer buzzing, dog barking.. ok you get the point:) The chaos and noise at our house seems to get louder and louder everyday! Somedays I wonder if I am cut out to be the mom to these boys but God doesn't make mistakes and I truly am thankful he chose me!

What we are up to these days...

Well... we are WIDE open and running folks! Let's see..Matt has been out of town this entire week for a work trip out in Lake Tahoe. I feel like we just got back from our cruise, then it was Mark's bachelor party a few weekends ago. Not sure why Farm Bureau packs all the agent trips into spring and early summer! Talk about worn out mama...  I've been kicking it here with the wild boys and had tons of help from family and our amazing nanny Megan. Although, we have cut Megan back to 2 days a week;( Trying to save a little bit of money and it really is getting a touch more manageable, so I thought! My sister is about to pop out her 2nd baby(Bailey) any minute, she's 3cm dilated! Mark is getting married in July and  did I mention that we are in the middle of custom building a house? This will be an entire another post of the craziness but I'm picking out cabinets, granite, tile, appliances and hardwood floors in the next month! I just wish there weren't so many options. I do well with like 2 or 3- choose your favorite.  Not exactly how all of this is working. But we are super pumped about the house and the doors and windows just went up.

Kid updates!  

Matthew weighing in at 34.5 lbs- hasn't gained a lb. in an entire year. Just grown taller! 

He just got bit by a mosquito under his eye and is totally allergic to them, so swollen he can hardly see.

Still obsessed with music and has probably about a 20 song playlist that he knows several verses too- he likes to mix it up.  Currently jamming to, Mumford and Sons, Journey, Phillip Phillips and Johnny Cash! You should him sing Folsom Prison blues- probably not appropriate for a 2 year old- leave that one with daddy. He got to hang out in Mommy's bed a lot this week! 

Wyatt- almost 18 months old, 25 lbs and getting such a fun personality! He is independent here at the house, sits and plays with toys, like to put blocks into a bucket and then dump them out. The only thing that gets Wyatt in trouble is he is SUCH a climber! How did I get dealt 3 climbers?! At least 10 times today I have to pull him off of the train table. Looks at those lips! We had just left the beach so his hair was crazy. Goes by Wyatt, Wy Wy or Wyrone(dad's nickname), brother or dude!

And last but not least, Greyson! Almost 18 months old, 25 lbs and so sweet! He really laughs alot, when he isn't teething. Him and Matthew seem to get into little sharing bouts and fits way more than Wyatt does. He loves to play hide and seek. He loves to hit a ball, Goes by GG, G-bo, Grey Grey

Enough for today- gotta go get them up from naps!

Vacation recap...

I knew it before I went and should have listened to my gut.. but I knew time with my sweet husband and time to refresh was a MUST. Everyone asked, how was your trip, I reply... "good but TOO LONG" 8 days is a long time to leave 3 kids, especially when they are this young. We just didn't have an option to shorten it and when we hit day 5.. it was like.. GET US OFF THE BOAT! We did have a nice trip, compliments to Farm Bureau, but I don't think you will see us on a cruise ship again.  Poor Matthew is having terrible anxiety since we returned, which of course is making me feel so guilty. I know I shouldn't but the sweet boy will not go to bed by himself anymore, much less walk into a room by himself without saying I'm scared.  So for the last 7 days, I have had to lay down with him every single nap and nighttime. We have tried every trick and 'special treat' offer but nothing has worked to keep him in his room to go to sleep with this lights off. Ugh.  Praying it will get better. And lesson learned for us... 3 or 4 days vacation might be ok but 8 was too long:( On a happy note, here are a few pics from our favorite part of the trip- our stop at Half Moon Cay, Bahamas!

Challenges of a stay at home mom

I'm just going to share a few thoughts about how hard it is to stay at home with the kids. Not to compare it to working mom's.. but for the mere fact of how it has changed me and how I go about my day to day job as a mom of 3 wild boys!
   I always dreamed of staying at home with my kids, just like my mom did.  I guess when you are raised like that, it just seems the thing to do! So with Matthew, I started on what I thought would be a easy journey- ha! Boy, did God have something in store for me, life changing, and character building perhaps. Matthew was colicky for the first 6 months. Easy, umm, not so much. My poor body decided to fall apart on me after having a baby. Between strep throat, mastitis and mono- I had to stop breast feeding which at the time seemed devastating!  Oh and then I got pregnant with TWINS! People remind me all the time, God never gives you more than you can handle. He doesn't but it sure is HARD! The sweet moments with the boys are what keep me going and I really do feel so blessed that we have survived this sick winter season.
    I really could write for hours about how the last 2 years have completely rocked our world but I really just wanted to write about how God is using these INCREDIBLY hard times to mold me into a better person. Each day is different and really each phase has had it's ups and downs. Something that I have learned that has truly gotten me through the tough times is to except help when anyone offers, ask for help if I need it and reach out to other moms going through the same thing. Because I will admit, it gets so lonely when you deal with babies day in and day out and all you hear is wah wah wah!   You start to wonder if it all matters and if you are doing a good job, but a dear friend reminds me weekly that God has chosen me for this specific purpose and that I am so strong!

 

 
We are currently in a climbing stage and 'let's fall so hard that it scares mom to death" stage so if you will pray that God protects my boys and my stress levels, it's appreciated.  How did I get dealt 3 climbers and wild ones, seriously? I had to remove like 10 things from our house today because they are climbing everything! If you see me, please remind me that the Lord has a grand plan- and I'm going to survive!

Founded on the Rock

Luke 6:48 "He is like a man building a house, who dug and went deep, and laid a foundation on the rock. When a flood arose, the stream broke against that house, and could not shake it, because it was founded on the rock." Before they begin building our house tomorrow, I wanted to go to the lot with the entire family and bury a cross beneath where the house will stand. (And uncle Mark who was in town and helped us dig:) We pray that as we move into this new house, that we will be reminded by this cross that we are to lead our boys to God. Our actions, our words and our day to day living should be founded on the "rock".  We buried it where we thought the front door would be and my hope is that each time someone enters our house, they will be encouraged in the walk with God. Matt and I are so blessed to be coming up on 8 years of marriage. We have shared so many good times and tough times over the last decade. We know the Lord is the only answer and we pray that we continue to live that way. Today would have been my dad's 60th birthday too. Can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I have seen him.. and I pray today that he is singing and celebrating with Jesus. He would have been one proud granddaddy... to four little boys and one little girl on the way(not me, my sister)!  We miss you dad and know you are watching from above:) Here's to the new house and all the memories to be made... thank you Lord for the opportunity!

Growing so fast!

Every parent will tell you, "they grow up so fast. I remember when mine were that little..." But really, where does time go? My little bitty twins are getting so big, walking and talking! 

                                    Greyson a few steps ahead on the walking! Wyatt is not be far behind:)

                                           Greyson- playing in 70 degree February weather!

                                                             Wyatt loves the wagon!

We can do more than just "survive"!!

      Our church encourages us to pick One Word for the year. It's a brilliant idea for those like ourselves who have a million things going on. One Word is perfect for me- it's simple but genius! So over the years I have chosen words like Embrace(2010), Focus(2011), Persevere(2012) and it's truly amazing to look back and see how God used those words to mold me and change into the woman he is calling me to be.
      So as January 2013 rolled around and I knew I would have to pick a word- I started to brainstorm. My first thought was "Survive"...haha... I'm not kidding.  It's probably because the first moments I get to sit down are at 8pm and my body is so tired and worn down and most nights I think, "we survived another day " But God began to do amazing things in me this week. I hit a low point last weekend and started to realize that I had become run-down, negative, anxious, critical, you name it, all things I would never want to be. I knew I was the only one who could do something about it, so I started to brainstorm with Matt about small things I could do that would help me get through the day with a better attitude and more energy!  He began to encourage me to start filling my self with more positive things, scripture, devotionals, speakers and pod-cast, positive friends, etc. So after a week of trying to do a few of those things a new word popped into my head and it won't leave. So I trust that it's God telling me to settle on it. It's "Worship".  I found this definition and loved it, "To worship God is to realize the purpose for which is created us." Not exactly sure what that looks like,  but I heard God telling me that we can do more than just survive, that we can worship Him.  That in the tough moments, we need to worship Him. That in the busy moments, we need to be still and worship Him. That in the great moments, we need to worship Him for every blessing. So here's a prayer that I can do what God has intended for me to do this year! I encourage you to pick a word and see how it changes you! Would love to chat about it  if you do:)

Tis' the season...

As I sit here in the settling dust of a post-Christmas day with 3 small children, my mind is full of thoughts.  I think of the YouTube clip of the 5yr old boy who had just gone to the dentist, "Is this real life?"  I laugh as we bustle through breakfast and presents and family and colds and thoughtless Christmas movie quotes run through my head.  I rest in the solitude of Clark Griswold's "It's all part of the experience" as he responds to the news of his daughters eyes beings frozen after searching the frosted wilderness for the perfect tree.  It's hard to imagine 5, 10, 15 years down the road when the innocence is gone and our traditions change as the boys grow up.  That's why I choose to embrace these moments and experiences as we walk through this life we've been blessed with.  I think back to 4 years ago when we were in the middle of fertility treatments and trying desperately to have a family of our own.  Do we really have 3 kids just 4 years later and the fertility doctor told us that a natural conception wasn't "looking good"?!?!  That thought leads me to God's faithfulness amidst our distrust and disobedience.  Imagining the God of the universe coming to us in the form of a helpless child so many years ago is just I unfathomable.

This Christmas I am thankful for my faith, my God - the unshakable rock that provides us with peace in the middle of an uncertain world.  I am thankful for my wife, Liz and the commitment she makes of raising our boys as well as the love and support she shows to me.  I am thankful for my boys - Matthew, Wyatt and Greyson.  They teach me to love more and more every day and they teach me the art of patience.  I am thankful for my parents, Mary Grey and Derrick.  I think about the Christmas traditions they established of enjoying family and celebrating faith.  As a parent now,  I laugh at the countless hours spent on finding the perfect gift and making every holiday extra special.  I am thankful for my brother as he steps into establishing his own family and traditions.  I look back on all of the Christmases we spent as children getting so excited about what waited under the tree.  I am thankful for my godparents, Doug and Susu.  There's not a Christmas I can remember when they weren't an integral part  of our experience and I am forever grateful for their involvement in our lives.  There are a number of additional names that come to my mind - great friends and examples that have shaped and molded me up to this point.  Folks that have shared the ups and down, the highs and the lows.  If you're reading this and thinking , "I wonder if that's me?"  That's a yes!

I wish everyone reading a very Merry Christmas and the best 2013 that up can imagine.

Beautiful Words from a friend

This post is from a childhood friend who is a beautiful writer. I was not gifted in the subject of writing so I admire those who can do so. Here is her post, which will be prayer. God bless her sweet soul.

Come to Behold

Beneath the clamor of the season, I hear the faint cries in the quiet.  Above the noise of the hustle, I sense a new stillness beckoning in the night. While I hurry and plan, do and make, the truth of God so loving this world lies swaddled in a blanket, waiting.  I hear the cries and I sense the stillness.  I desire the awe and I crave the wonder.  But my lists are long, and my calendar full, and my own blanket of holiday drapes over the truth of advent, muddling the gentle cries of invitation.  

I work to create traditions and memories, recipes and beauty, when all the while, Beauty rests in the dark of night calling me to come and adore.  My eyes are fixed on my family, these children for whom I long to know of God, and all the while, God waits in a manger.  I need only to bring them with me to come and kneel.  But I want it wrapped in color.  I want it to smell freshly baked.  And over all of it, I want the shiny glitter of perfection. 

But it has never been my job to create perfect.  For Perfect has already come. Perfect calls in the quiet coos of a Father become Child.  Perfect waits for me to stop running, and to start crawling, slowly and steadily by the side of Love, to come and behold. 

Yes, I hear it, the gentle cries, the soft coos, the quiet invitation to come and adore.  Yes, I see it, the light in the night, the star in the sky, the flesh of the Love.  But will I come?  As I rise in the morning and fall in the night, will I come?  In spite of the noise and the activity, the calendar and the lists, will I come?  Will I come to kneel, come to be stilled, come to behold? 

Celebrating their 1st!!

Wow.. hard to believe it's been a year since we sat in the NICU at New Hanover praying over Wyatt and Greyson. Born just shy of 35 weeks, they spent 4 weeks in the hospital. We are so grateful for all the nurses and doctors that gave them EXTRAORDINARY care and helped them grow strong before we brought them home. We are celebrating them this weekend with a party at our neighborhood clubhouse. Pinterest inspired(of course) we are doing the thing1 thing 2 theme from dr. seuss' cat in the hat. Super pumped about their party and all the decorations and food!
They checked out awesome at their 1 year check! Dr said let's not even use the premature scale that most preemies are compared too. Both measuring above 50% for weight and height! Go figure:)

Numbers are:
Wyatt-21.6 lbs
          29 3/4 in
           A+ developmental

Greyson- 22.2 lbs
                29 3/4 in
              A+ developmental

Praise God for healthy, big, almost walking boys!  

                                                       Matthew says congrats!

Whew... the election

I wasn't one to put all my emotions out there on Facebook about the election, nor did I stay up until midnight to hear the results, but I will blog it here that I am so disappointed to hear the results this morning.  I already knew the world was corrupt and that as a nation we had become really greedy. But deep down, I hoped that people would vote for the man who stood for more conservative and religious values. As a believer, I live by the motto "if God created life, he should get to define it"...so I tried to filter all social and economic policies through what the Bible had to say about them.  And it was very black and white when it came to which president stood for those values. I am a giver at heart... and I won't stop giving. I will do my best not to judge the people of this nation but to pray for them. Even friends and family that voted opposite me...my first reaction is to be like...what?! I can't believe you would vote for..... but God calls us to love and pray for them. My hope still rest on the UNSHAKEABLE ROCK of Jesus... and I will pray that as a nation we will turn from our greed and state of entitlement and surrender the One who created us.

Big Birthday, crawling babies, building a house...lots going on!

Sometimes I find myself checking other blogs in my few minutes of spare time and the non-writer that I am, doesn't feel compelled to write or blog on my own very much.  Sorry for the lapse, as if you cared!

So what's been going on with the Ham Fam! We have one very active and very smart little 2 year old, who is doing so good in school. The first few weeks were rough, but he is adjusting and doesn't even cry anymore.  Matthew is the youngest in his class, but the kid is a little genius:), so he seems do great with the other kids.  You can brag on your kids right?! He is still so stocky and built like a rock- probably pushing 36-37lbs now. Wearing a 4T-ha! He's so heavy that my back aches so bad at the end of the day. Oh, maybe that's because I have 2 crawling 11 month olds too- that are fast as lightning.  Don't blink or they will be climbing the toilets in the bathrooms, the trash in the kitchen and crawling opposite ways. Both are sweet boys, but starting to develop different personalities! Wyatt is a bit calmer, not quite as active, doesn't cry unless hungry, plays by himself quite well and loves to be silly in his crib when he is tired. He like dive-bombs into the side railing and bumper pads and laughs the whole time. Greyson has a contagious laugh, yet has learned to throw a fit with a reared back and all. He also seems to buddy up with and fight with Matthew more than Wyatt does. He is into everything and fusses a bit more than the others. Granted they have all been battled colds- we just pass them around- should expect that huh? The twins also just got dedicated at church- it was such a special day!

What's up with Matt and me? Well- we celebrated my 30th bday with a weekend with just US! We hit up our favorite restaurants, went paddleboarding, napped, showered, dinner with friends, church, you know- the things people do before they had kids!! And our big news( that isn't quite a done deal) we are under contract with a builder, Jimmy Doster, to buy a lot and build a house in Autumn Hall. It's so very excited, yet a bit stressful. Our architect drew up beautiful plans and I hope and pray it will pan out how God intends it to. We have really tried to take it slow and make wise decisions- so we'll see! I will keep you posted. Hopefully I can upload plans soon- but until then I will give you one secret about the house- it will be designed so we can have a half court basketball court and goal in the backyard. For me or the kids?  I'm not sure:)

 Not sure how we got everyone to look and smile- but I'm not complaining!

Sweetest!

                                                          Sweet boys getting dedicated!

                                          The big 3-0!  It's the only pic we took all weekend!

Beach week and craziness

We just returned from a week at the beach (Matt won a week at Wrightsville Beach) and we did have a good time. I won't lie, vacation is not  'vacation' anymore.  It was nice to get out of our house for awhile  but goodness gracious, I  thought we were going to destroy that place. It did rain quite a bit too, so we were stuck inside a lot! Now that we are back home, I can't decide if my days are getting harder or just busier! We are definitely getting sleep- which is awesome but the daytime is a circus act juggling meals, bottles, naps, etc. I mean seriously, their are babies everywhere and moving very fast! Thank goodness we bought a gate for our playroom.   I have to lock those suckers in there or I lose them, haha. We are having so much fun watching Matthew interact with Greyson and Wyatt.  We are blessed with 3 sweet boys and 3 really good night sleepers, but life is just very stressful and draining during the day. I never want to wish away the present but I do look forward to the days when my back isn't aching after a day with the kids:)

Here are some cute ones from the beach!

W & G

                                                      Duke and Meme playing with the boys.

                                                    Visit from our sweet friend Tilley Gray!

                                                                    Kisses from my firstborn

Look alike, wow!

                                  Did I mention the highlight of my week- a visit from Cham!!

                                                       Those brown eyes are too cute boys!

What really matters

I have been following a blog that has really inspired me lately. It's amazing how God is speaking through these families that have been through such a tragic event.  It's a blog about 4 young girl's that live in Raleigh that were in a bad car accident.  I stand amazed at the strength of the mom of Janie(who is writing the blog) who almost died, has just come out of her coma and off the ventilator.
It is so evident that God has his hand in this situation and is changing lives and hearts to glorify Him!
If you would like to be encouraged- read here... http://solideogloria-emily.blogspot.com/

I have truly dropped to my knees recently thanking God for my 3 amazing, healthy boys. I am blessed to be able to stay home and have a husband who works so hard for us. I am blessed beyond words to have incredible HELP with these boys, my mom who has made the way-boring drive down from Raleigh on I-40 about 25 times since they were born, my in-laws who show up to my doorstep- every time  i need them, Matt's God-parents who sacrifice one evening a week(if not more) to help us at dinnertime, and our amazing God-loving nanny Megan who makes my life so much easier!!
The list could go on of people who have showered us with love during this difficult last year!
We continue to pray that God will humble us by his presence and not by our circumstances. We are truly blessed and I'll end on that:)

Rest for the Weary

Some days are longer than others, some weeks tougher than others, but a reminder from my quiet time today is to REST in the lord. He should be our true source of energy and life!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart., and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I am praying today for the Lord to renew my spirit and heart- shouldn't this be our prayer everyday?

Something for me....

Trying to find a hobby or something just for "me" this fall. Any ideas?

Since the boys are into a pretty good routine and our nanny, Megan, is coming 2.5 days a week, I would love to put something on my schedule for "me".  Here are my top choices

Running? (free)
Swimming? (have to join the Y)
Pilates or yoga? $ and too boring for me maybe)
Painting/art class?

Hopefully I can pick something and go with it!

Not to be selfish, but after this(pic below) I need it!

The Big 2!

Matthew turned the Big 2 earlier this month and I might have to say, (for the 100th time) this is my favorite age yet!!! There are days when I sit and laugh at Matthew as I see his personality develop. He is such a funny, sweet, strong willed kid.  He loves to sing, dance and mostly entertain. He can also carry a very serious face when in a crowd but I know behind that stern look, his brain is taking in so much! He is starting to understand that his brothers are "real" little dudes and not babies stuck in a baby seat. He is starting to ask for them, when they are napping and attempt to play with them.  Matthew is talking very well. He can count to 10, sing his ABC's( forgets about half of them) but lights up when he says Z, and can REMEMBER just about everything we teach him or say. He is very smart and we cant wait to see how he does in school. Although, his mommy-itis kicked in about a month ago and he really doesnt like for me to leave his side! So I'm asking for prayers on the first few days of school.

Matthew weighed in at 33.5 lbs and measured 3 ft tall!!! I'm so proud to have big, tall boys like their daddy!

I sit and wonder somedays at what Matthew will do when he grows up. I pray that he will have a heart for Jesus and be very loving. That he will always put others before himself and that he will always tell the truth. But as you can see in this picture-  his interest in music and dancing, is making me wonder if we have a little rockstar in the brewing. He sure does bring a smile to our faces and we couldnt ask for more!

House Hunting

We haven't really made it super public... but who reads this blog anyways? :)  We are definitely house hunting and trying to figure out what is best for us. As most of you know, we LOVE our neighborhood and house now. But 3 kids later and we are just about splitting at the seams.  We are looking for something in this Mayfaire/WB area with 4 or 5 bedrooms and a little more play space and a yard. We like new construction(I mean who doesn't) but neither of us have an interest in renovating something older and it's not like we have the extra time on our hands. With these specifics, our options are limited and I think we are going to wait until we love something we see or we have talked about building if we can find the right lot.  We are so blessed and could definitely make it work here, but as the boys grow, we would love to be in a neighborhood with kids, pool, etc.  Praying God will give us some clarity as we start this journey. Will keep everyone posted!

And just a pic for giggles- please look at Wyatt's face!